YOUR LAST, NOT FIRST: i did it again!

i've actually told my self not to get into love thingy too much, wanting not to write too many blogs about love; but ya i ended up trapped here, on my blog page having no other idea what to write but love.

trust me... i wonder too, when will i get bored of all these.. but the time just hasnt come yet! hahas//

neway, my fingertips 'unconsciously' pressed on the toolbar the link to my blog right after i saw one picture.. a picture.. of.. ahahas.. not telling you! this picture dragged to memoirs.. suddenly whatever says the elder has told me the day before the person left singapore began to popped up on my mind.. and everything starts to make sense.. (readers, i know you starts to get lost of what am i talking about) but that doesn't matter, cos im still going to go on no matter you can get what i was trying to say or not.. its my personal blog, my diary anyway :P

what's on my mind & heart right now :

yes, i so did doubt on His promises; even when he keep on showing ways to tell me that im still on the track no matter what other people, even believers might have said about me..
again, it's not what you see; but more to what you've heard, deny your vision and go on!
well, mine is still a mustard seed.. and im scared. i have to be honest about this. to take steps by faith continually even after you've seen wonders and miracles is still scary. well, at least for me it is!
and so, i've been promised of one thing by my Father. And i had no doubt at all about it at first, but since time began to flies, and chances of seeing things get changed just got smaller; i got trapped to mindplays. many whys fly on this brain.. and the selfish thought in me keep on finding reasons of why should i countinue believe in this promise. then after a sleepless night due to overflow tears and stupid girl' stuff; i began to one drawline conclusion.. "no matter what happen to me; no matter what my future will be, no matter that promise do come true or not, you're still my perfect God who doesn't lie. FULL STOP.
and so, i've reduced times thinking and wondering about that promises. until few days back, things remind me of this one old promise again.. one of my church member shared to me her queries, & well yes it reminds me of my old promise with God too. whatever she said seemed to slap my face, & my heart shouted "you hear that, He is loyal to His promises & whatever you've experienced were true & weren't coincidences; He is God of wonders"
but this dumbass (me) reject the statement; instead saying "whatever i've heard from the sharing was just coincidence, come on.. i can hear this kind from anyone even not believers"
then.... the day after that, i've had a long night talk with my friend's mom.. one part of the conversations touched this topic A LOTTT and deeply! & yes, she knowing nothing about my humble problems; can say this to me "if it's from God.. no matter what it'll still happen.. no matter what, no matter where, & no matter WHEN.. just don't think too much & don't be scared" this say stabbed me again! then me acting problemless; told some reasons to fight back with this woman but she could always answer me back, and won the conversations. but deep inside of me, i know she is a wise one; but i trully understood that it wasn't her replying my worries, it was God used her as a tool to remind me again about the promise, building my faith again so that i can still put hope at this promise cos this never fade.... why can't i say this?? bcause whatever she said was so much the same about what i've expected the answer to be.
then just now i've seen one picture, and it is connected with the promise too. God has shown me many answers, many pathways, many reasons to believe, yet only asking one heart to stay still & not just there to serve, but also to believe that i deserve to claim the rewards. and the rewards that He has been promising before has always been mine & not gonna be taken by anyone by anyways. it was, is, and will always be mine. Yesterday i watched a movie, named 12 rounds.. near to the ending there's a saying in a movie, it says "i've never doubt at you"
and @ this very moment.. i want to say, "i don't ever want to doubt again, & faithfully claiming the rewards.. not further thinking that i never deserve it.. but because i'm the unworthy who get the worthy because only You make me worth it."

stop the says.. let's just listen to this song.... a song sang by Guy Sebastian.. this song reflected my promise with God... like what Guy said, "i'll be forever greatfull, i'll be forever prayfull".